| So Happy to find you all :) [message #2087] |
Sun, 31 July 2011 17:12  |
 Lyn_62
Messages: 3
Registered: July 2011
Location: UK |
Junior Member |
IP: 86.133.29.81 |
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Hi everyone,
My name is Lynda and I am from the UK.
I have been married for almost 23 years to a wonderful man and have 3 beautiful boys aged 21, 19 and 17. I always wanted 3 children and am very thankful for them. It is just this last few months that I have started to feel I would love to have one more. I don't think it will happen as I am 49 now and my husband does not want any more. He is only 45 but he says he doesn't have the energy to go through it all again. I feel fitter and healthier than I did when I had my last baby. I have a healthy vegan diet and do Pilates everyday and have so much energy.I still have regular periods and no meno symptoms that I am aware of.
I know I can't do this on my own but I really don't know how to persuade him. I have been praying so hard that the Lord will take this need away but I can't stop thinking about being pregnant and having my own baby in my arms again.
I am so happy that I was led to this website! It has been so inspiring to read some of your stories and know I am not crazy for wanting to be a mommy again at my age.
So thank you for being here and if anyone has any advice for me I would be very grateful.
Love and prayers xxx
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| Re: So Happy to find you all :) [message #2089 is a reply to message #2087 ] |
Mon, 01 August 2011 17:27  |
Jamie
Messages: 38
Registered: May 2011
Location: NE FL |
Member |
IP: 98.224.62.127 |
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Recently there was a discussion on the main CHF board of someone who was in a very similar position as yourself. She had wonderful advice given to her on contentment with where she was at, as well as different ways of viewing things and speaking with her husband...mainly though, they cautioned against actively thinking we could or should convince them to change their minds. Some women were blessed in the end (like myself) to have a child in the end after many many years passing (in my case nearly 20 years) and others who chose adoption or who will wait until grandchildren arrive. Perhaps you'd like to do a search on those boards to read the conversation?
Peace
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| Re: So Happy to find you all :) [message #2090 is a reply to message #2087 ] |
Tue, 02 August 2011 13:00 |
Tamara E
Messages: 371
Registered: April 2005
Location: South |
Senior Member
Administrator |
IP: 98.81.130.211 |
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Welcome to SheLaughed, Lyn!
I understand and I will pray for the Lord to minister to your needs and help you find contentment in His perfect will for your life --ultimately it's all up to the Lord anyway when it comes to conception.
I have had times in my life when I was either obsessed with desiring a baby (at a time when it seemed impossible) or feeling the need for a break (at a time when I had 4 in 4.5 years), and times when I felt ready for more, but the Lord didn't allow it and a time when I felt finished and was a grandma (but still had a bit of "baby fever" which never fully leaves me no matter how old I get!  ) and was totally surprised with another pregnancy.
So, trust me when I say I know what it's like to struggle with being content and giving it all up to the Lord!  I do know.
The best advice I have (after 33 years of marriage) is to follow hard after the LORD and be joyful and thankful for what He has already done in our lives, enjoying new interests and not taking any of our blessings for granted --our husbands, our children, or friends, etc., Asking Him for a positive outlet for our "baby fever" and then just trusting Him to take care of it all.
The Lord can certainly change your husband's heart concerning more children, and allow you to conceive again, but the key is to be content regardless. (And, "for this you have Jesus!")
Blessings,
Tamara (mom of seven; grandma to two so far!)
"There is always enough time and strength to do the will of God"
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| Re: So Happy to find you all :) [message #2092 is a reply to message #2087 ] |
Tue, 02 August 2011 13:08 |
Tamara E
Messages: 371
Registered: April 2005
Location: South |
Senior Member
Administrator |
IP: 98.81.130.211 |
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P.S. I reread my message to you and I don't want you to think I'm not in sympathy with your feelings --I really, truly am! I am praying for you, Lyn!
Have you considered asking the Lord to bring a young mother and baby into your life? Someone you could help out and enjoy? I've thought of that, too. Especially once my youngest is older.
With love and hugs,
Tamara
Blessings,
Tamara (mom of seven; grandma to two so far!)
"There is always enough time and strength to do the will of God"
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| Re: So Happy to find you all :) [message #2097 is a reply to message #2093 ] |
Sun, 07 August 2011 20:27 |
Jamie
Messages: 38
Registered: May 2011
Location: NE FL |
Member |
IP: 98.224.62.127 |
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Lyn, I can understand that helping alongside other people and their children is not quite the same thing that you are longing for. For me, there either wasn't an interest or it made it worse. There is something, whether adoption or not, to a child being our own. I did not know that there was such a difficulty in adoption process for people in our age category over there in the UK. Is there a group or an organization struggling to make changes? My thought would be to align yourself with them while you are in the process with coming to peace and/or appealing to your husband.
In rereading your original post, I don't feel qualified in fully understanding where you and your husband are and feel more qualified in counseling you to become at peace (even if that involves speaking with your husband) with your present circumstances. After longing for another child for almost two decades, a few months of desiring and praying seems so short to me in the struggle. Having three adult kids (mine are 21, 20 and 19) I am more familiar with your husband's point of being tired and not thinking it something he'd want to start from scratch again with...that was my husband's point at the end. I only had a few *weeks* honestly of fully appreciating the life we could have without children at our hips or teens to guide, et cetera. It became exciting to me to begin a new stage of life where it would only be he and myself....and it was the first time in my life that that was something I could taste rather than something that would be far off (only because the kids were the ages that they were).
For my circumstance, it was almost shocking that I ended up being pregnant - and will confess I was conflicted with my long-held desire and my newly awakened senses of what "could have been."
The link I mentioned above can be found here: http://chfweb.net/index.php?t=msg&th=75804&start=0&a mp;S=7c233e7e41c300f2980cae4ce1d3ef0f
The thread starts out differently and likely ends differently than the direction you specifically want to make happen, but there are a lot of people addressing what they did when they were in your situation/predicament. There are a few of us who shared how we approached our husbands who were reluctant...and looking back, whether we thought we were right or wrong or what we'd do differently, et cetera. Maybe something in there would click with what you're asking here?
Peace
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| Re: So Happy to find you all :) [message #2102 is a reply to message #2093 ] |
Mon, 08 August 2011 16:05 |
Tamara E
Messages: 371
Registered: April 2005
Location: South |
Senior Member
Administrator |
IP: 98.81.109.199 |
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Lynda, I, too, read back over your initial post and tried to think how I could respond differently. I actually sat and pondered it on two different days --because I hated for your last post to just "sit there" unanswered. But I was at a loss on how I could respond differently. I definitely have sympathy for your situation, and I think I understand, at least a little, how you might be feeling.
With God nothing is impossible.
But it truly isn't common to be able to conceive at age 49 --so I think it's really one of those things you have to give to the Lord and pray, "If it's Your will, Lord!"
If it IS His will, it will happen.
If it isn't, then no amount of sadness or prayer and petitioning will change it.
So, my conclusion is that the best thing we can do in such a situation is to trust Him, and allow Him to help us choose contentment, regardless of the outcome.
With love and hugs,
Tamara
Blessings,
Tamara (mom of seven; grandma to two so far!)
"There is always enough time and strength to do the will of God"
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